Give Yourself Presents

Hi All

One of the side-effects of growing up poor is justifying everything you want.

If you want to buy something, you have to *really* need it. If you want to learn something, it needs to have a commercial value - earn you something in the future/help you get a better job. And if it meets neither of those criteria, then the only other justification for doing something is to be really good at it, if not the best. (This has made skating something I often consider giving up, even though I enjoy it.)

Also by you, I totally mean me. But I’m sure some of you can relate.

All of this leaves little room for doing stuff because you enjoy it, or getting yourself something because you like it.

It’s a hellishly puritanical mindset, and it really does no good. It sucks the joy out of everything. I’ve often caught myself not buying myself quality art products because ‘I don’t deserve them’. I tell myself I can have good stuff when I’m equally good enough to use them.

How messed up is that? I’m not talking the most expensive equipment here. Just decent-quality gear that makes practising any hobby more pleasurable (and often gives better results, anyway.)

I’m working on divorcing myself from this ‘you’re not good enough for nice things’ mindset, and last time I went food shopping I told myself I could (AND WOULD) buy myself a present. It could not be something I needed. It had to be a frivolous want. (I also gave myself an escape clause that I couldn’t spend over £5. Baby steps, yo!)

I ended up with a cute little house plant. And yanno, it made me happy.

And that is worth way more than some silly number somewhere.

Today I took an even bigger step. I bought myself a monthly art subscription box. And yes, I tried to talk myself out of it in various different ways. I found little justifications (“This is a good way for me to broaden my art supplies, find new things I like.” LOL CAT WHATEVER.) Promised myself I would squeeze the money out of the groceries.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve done it. I’ve signed myself up at scrawlrbox for monthly bits of things I would not normally get for myself. Time to destroy the idea that being generous to myself is selfishness.

When the lockdown is over and I can go back to the ice rink, I’m going to start every session with a reminder that I skate because I love it. Because it makes me feel free inside. And every time I start stressing about how I’m not good enough, I’m going to let go and just skate around to the music and not worry about earning my right to ice time.

How do you treat yourself kindly - and if you don’t, is there a way you can?

If you have favourite gift boxes, treats, experiences, hobbies, tell me about them - I’d love to see the things that make you happy.

Cat

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